Lord, am I ready?

I leave for Africa tomorrow..and there are butterflies, a whole flock of them, flying around in my stomach. I'm not nervous or fearful..but I can't help to ask "Lord, am I ready?" Am I ready to experience a year completely stripped of everything that is comfortable to me? Am I ready to see the pain and suffering of a whole nother world that lies in Africa? Am I ready to be your very hands and feet that you have called me to be? Am I ready to be challenged, stretched, and broken in my own heart? Am I ready to experience a piece of your glory in a completely new part of the world? ..I don't know.

But perhaps it's a good thing. If I felt completely ready...I would have something to boast about. I would have something to control. I would have expectations to fulfill and a plan set for myself and my year ahead. If I were ready..I wouldn't need to be dependent on the Lord. So as a matter of fact..in not being ready..I think I couldn't be more ready.

Lord, I'm all yours. Use me, stretch me, mold me, break me. Make me completely dependent on you, so that everything that is done this year would come from you alone, and not me. 

Lord, I'm ready.

He has brought me laughter

In the beginning of December, my support was at 70%. I had four weeks to raise $12,500. It made me think of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 17 when God told them they would have a child. “Then Abraham bowed down to the ground but he laughed to himself in disbelief.” How could I raise so much money in so little time? I had no idea. But God knew, and He wanted my faith to prove it.

Mid-December, school ended and my support raised about 3%.

On December 31, my support was at 83%. I left on New Year’s Day to meet my team in Denver, CO for a week long conference in preparation to leave by the 6th. I prayed for a miracle that God would bring in the rest of my support, otherwise I wouldn't be able to leave with my team. I ran out of contacts and was waiting on just a couple confirmations. Day one of being in Denver, I went from 83 to 86%. Day two, I went from 86 to 91%. My team rejoiced with me as I needed at least 90% to board the plane with them! Day three, as I sat in my hotel room just before bed, I saw the Lord bring in the rest of my support, raising it from 91-100% in less than one hour. “And Sarah declared, ‘God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me. Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse a baby? Yet I have given Abraham a son in his old age!” (Gen. 21:6-7). On my knees before Him, my eyes were filled with tears and my heart was filled with laughter. Like Sarah, I couldn’t help but to laugh at the marvelous blessing and work of my God...because of how incapable I am to understand it. 

Proud.

My parents and brother dropped me off at the airport this morning with two 50 lb. bags, a carry on, and a backpack the size of me. It was so hard to leave them and to hug them knowing it would be our last embrace until next year. But at the same time, it couldn't have felt more perfect in the way we left. When I first shared my heart and desire to go to Africa with them about a year ago, it was one of the most difficult conversations I've had with them. As any parent would be, they were concerned, fearful, angry, confused, and just simply didn't understand how I could give up a year of my life to go. Since November 2007 until this day of 2009, I have lifted up prayer after prayer for the Lord to soften their hearts. It has been a process since that first day we talked..but God has been faithful. Through raising support, providing the way, and a multitude of praise stories to share with them in preparing to go, God has shown more of Himself and His character not only to me, but to my family. The last words my parents and my big brother said to me before I left was, "I'm so proud." With tears welled up in my eyes, I walked through the security check-in waving my final goody-byes. 

It is not that they are proud of me that makes me happy; for there is nothing of me to boast about. But those words prove their softened hearts, which God so faithfully answered through the power of prayer. He replaced their fear with trust, their confusion with confirmation, and their doubt with excitement. He turned their anger into love and their hesitation to support. 

"Proud." There couldn't be another word more confirming of His faithfulness.

Happy Annibirthmasary!

On December 15, I surprised Trevor in El Salvador for our two-year anniversary. Our disciplers from San Luis Obispo blessed me with a ticket as we have committed to a year of missions and would be apart for a year and

 a half. 

It was the greatest blessing to both of us! Ever since he left in August, we've been able to communicate with each other through Skype, which is an online video phone call. When I got to El Salvador, some of my best friends who are on his team came to pick me up at the airport and took me back to their house. Trev and the other guys on the team were out running some errands (and killing time) as I set up my surprise at the girls' house. I went upstairs and signed onto Skype in my friend's room. When he got there, the rest of the team told him I was waiting to talk to him online. He and I started a conversation, like any other....only I was in the room right next to him instead of miles away. For our anniversary present, I gave him our journal that we've written back and forth to each other over the years. As we went through it together, I suddenly 'had to use the bathroom.' 

"I'm sorry, I'll be right back! But look in the pocket in the back of the journal, there's one last surprise for you.."

As he opened the pocket, he pulled out all my boarding passes that I stuck in there from my LA, Miami, and San Salvador flights to go see him. Confused, he flipped through the boarding stubs as I ran outside to the balcony where he was sitting. With wide eyes he dropped the passes and sat up...and for about 5 minutes straight, said nothing but "Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?.."

It was so surreal. 

To be able to hug him again, smell his scent, even just see his smile face to face and not over a screen...it was the most beautiful moment that brought me to tears.

That week, we spent time encouraging one another, enjoying being in each other’s presence again, observing his leadership on the team and being so proud of him, having deep conversations about the Lord’s vision and plan for us now and in the future, and even enjoying the simplicity of holding hands again. We were able to celebrate our 2 year anniversary, his birthday, and an early christmas in a month that we thought we'd have to endure apart from each other. 

It was such a week to remember and a week that refreshed my soul in so many ways. God called us out this year and I know and trust that He will sustain us. But I love that He is a God who loves to bless us. I realize that sometimes God gives us things we don’t really need, but He blesses us just because he understands how much we desire it. And just like a father will give his child a new toy, or a trip to Disneyland, or something the child does not need, but he blesses him because he delights in seeing his child filled with so much joy; I feel like my Father in heaven has given me an opportunity to see the man I love, simply because

 He delights in seeing me find joy in the midst of His blessings. 

Now I have to leave him again as we endure a year apart. But God has blessed us up to this point and I know He will only continue to do so, even if we're miles away.

good-byes

Today I had to say good-bye to some of my closest friends, mentors, bible studies, and meaningful relationships as the Lord reminded me of how faithful He has been in using so many people in my life. Even though I’m only going for a year, there is something about saying “good-bye” that causes the heart to reflect on how deeply we value those we love. And I am so grateful that there are so many people in my life whom saying “good-bye” to is difficult. It just makes me realize how many people I am truly blessed with, and how many people I really do love. 

I miss all of you already.

9 hidden lettes, one lucky girl

On Dec. 6 at 5:00 am, I woke up to the unpleasantly fierce vibrations of my phone. With my eyes half open, I read the screen that blinded my eyes with the flashing text: "Trev CALLING." Knowing he's one to enjoy his sleep, I worriedly picked up. I was right. He does love his sleep. But he also loves loving me well. And today, that meant a big surprise.

After being instructed to dress warm and hop in the car, I found a letter taped onto my steering wheel. Keep in mind, Trev lives over 3,000 miles away in the middle of El Salvador. How he managed to do all this...I have no idea. But he's an incredible man; I know that much. So I got into the car and read my first letter. On the passenger seat was a Starbucks card and my ipod waiting to be played with a playlist he titled "For Ali from Trev." I was told to go to Starbucks, grab myself some coffee, listen to his playlist and head out to Montana de Oro where I would find my next letter.

My second letter was found under the bench where he gave me a new purity ring two years ago. It was a day significant to both of us and is now a place that marks so much of the beauty in our relationship. The letter told me to spend some time enjoying the sunrise, the beauty of God's creation, and praising our Father for his faithfulness in our lives. I did just that, and was brought to tears as my grateful heart was overwhelmed that morning.

Letter number three was found in the trunk of my car, taped to the back of three colorful pictures that made my heart smile. After going home and getting ready, I met the Kromhout family at noon. As I pulled up to the front of the house, Karlyn, Grant and Pierson stood in the driveway each wearing a santa hat, waiting to give me my fourth letter. Trev and I have had the privilege of watching and taking care of the Kromhout kids for over two years now. They are like family to us and some of our favorite memories have been in that house together. One of the hardest things about leaving for a year is leaving the people you love. So Trev arranged for the family and I to spenext nd time together for one of the last times before saying good-bye. We went Christmas tree shopping, put up lights, and then I was sent to my fifth letter which was going to be at a Woman's Event with Campus Crusade.

Filled with anticipation, I drove to the place where I would find my next "clue." As I walked into the door, girls rushed me with smiles and nudges asking me how my day was going. How did everyone know about this but me? I am one difficult girl to surprise, but apparently he knows how to pull it off really well. All giddy and excited, I gladly shared all the details when I spotted my letter from across the room. Allison, my discipler (or spiritual mentor) whose husband is also Trev's discipler, called me over with a dozen roses and Letter 5 in hand. Allison and her husband Joe are two of our biggest supporters and most influential people in our lives. We love them dearly, which is why Trev asked her to be a part of my special day. Opening the letter, I was told to go to Cuesta Park where had our first date.

The next letter I found was under a bench sitting beside the creek. Trev and I had some of the most Spirit-filled conversations at this park, where we were able to experience God's abundant grace in and through each other. The letter told me to spend some time alone with the Lord, praying and thanking Him for the grace He has poured upon our relationship. Amazing Grace is our favorite hymn that we cannot help but to cry to every time we hear it. Alone by the quiet creek, I sang loud and unashamed. It was a beautiful day for praising my King. Towards the end of my time, I received a phone call from him asking me how my day was going. I could tell the excitement in his voice as I shared how perfect every little detail has been. One of his greatest joys is making me happy...and he does it so well. Over the phone, he told me to head back home where I would find my next letter taped behind the sign "Sycamore Dr" on my street.

If you're following along, we're now at letter number 7. After struggling to rip it down from the sign that's twice my height, I was finally allowed to rest. And that's exactly what I did. I came home, fell onto the first available couch and slept. I took about an hour nap and then got ready for a dinner out with my roommates. Reservations were made he said, for 7:00. So I quickly got ready and jumped in the car with my friends to finish our night. We drove to Yanagi's which is Trev and my favorite restaurant. He's friends with all the sushi chefs behind the counter and hugs the hostess at every visit. As I walked into the door, the first person I see is Trevor's mom who drove 3 hours just to see me that night. Next to her, sat Trev and my closest friends down a long table at the restaurant. Each were there to wish me a happy early anniversary with Trev. His mom handed me a small gift as his sister passed me the 8th letter. I opened my present which was a little pocket booklet that had pictures of us from over the years. The first page read, "This little book is...for whenever you feel lonely..for whenever you see no end in sight..for whenever you need to laugh..for whenever you need to remember.."

After an amazing dinner with the people I love, I came home, fell on my bed, and called Trev to thank him. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. It was the most amazing day I've had apart from him..though I couldn't have felt closer. After we hung up I changed into my PJs and just as I was about to lay my head to down to sleep..I found the last letter on my pillow. A beautifully written letter to end my day with a final phrase.."You are worthy to be pursued."

If there is any man who helps me to see and understand God's Love better..it is Trev.

I am one lucky girl.

home sweet home

As many of you know, housing has been one of the biggest prayer requests for our team. Being the first STINTers to launch a movement in South Africa, there are already so many unknowns that we are going to have to figure out as the year progresses. To pick up my life and move first thing into a hostel...wasn't the most comforting thought. But if it was God's will, we were willing to follow. But praise HIM, that He had greater things in store for us all along.

This month, we received wonderful news of a housing opportunity in Pretoria, South Africa. We gladly accepted! It is a beautiful 5-6 bedroom house, fully furnished, with an incredible backyard! It is conveniently located 8 miles from campus and sits in a nice, safe part of town. The women on our team will live here and this will be our "home base" where we will have team meetings, invite students over for special events, dinners, and fellowship activities. Not only will this be a comforting place for us to stay, but a wonderful place for ministry. Praise God! He provided us with more than just a house...He blessed us with a home.


come take a look!...

here is our kitchenette and sunroom:


our tv/living room:


our main kitchen:


one of the bedrooms:


and our beautiful backyard!: