desperate people for a Holy God

            I know that God sent me to Africa to touch and bless the many lives in this country. But it goes without saying that He has sent me here for much more than just that. In this place, He is teaching me more about Himself, more about myself, and more about His people. As I look back at this past month the first thing I think about, more than ministry or the different events that have happened, is how much the Lord has broken me. In my attempt to fight against strong spiritual warfare, to fight against the desires of my flesh and the powerful attacks of the enemy, God has brought me to my knees time and time again. This month has been a battle as we sent one of our team members home for the year, as the permanent split of our team has required a lot of work to resettle into our various locations, and as personal struggles have felt heightened more than ever. But in the midst of all the tension, God has made me desperate for Him. And I realize that a God who is relentless for His people, a God who insists on pursuing us every moment of every day, wants us to be desperate for Him...so that we can cling to Him tighter, depend on Him greater, and fall in love with Him deeper. 

          The more I become desperate for the Lord, the more I see the desperation of souls around me. Recently, we've had many opportunities to minister in several different ways to the community. A few weeks ago, we partnered with one of Campus Crusade's side ministries called Crossroads. It is an AIDS Education program for high school students living in townships. The day we attended, they had a Crossroads Seminar for 12th grade students in a township called Bester, Inanda. There were about 50 students crammed into a tiny classroom with broken windows and trash bags used as curtains. The heat was unbearable, but you could tell the students were used to it. Sitting amongst them, I realized that AIDS has personally affected nearly every boy and girl surrounding me. I felt a heaviness in my heart and though deeply sympathetic, I also felt somewhat inadequate in my ability to relate with them. Yet as we began to share about the disease, the gruesome affects it has on the physical body, the science of how it destroys the immune system, showed videos of personal stories and testimonies, allowed students to ask questions, have discussions, participate in interactive skits, and share the gospel with them, I gazed around the room and saw how desperate these students were for healing in their lives. Throughout various parts of the seminar, students cried, girls held each other in agony, boys sunk in their seats convicted, others stood tall determined to be different, some you could tell were numb, while others were filled with grief and fear. It was a room flooded with emotion of every kind, but a room filled with a longing to find hope and healing. I couldn't relate to these students on the level of AIDS, but I could relate to them in their needfor healing. As I have called out to the Lord in desperation many times this month, asking Him to heal my heart, He has continued to show Himself faithful. God is a God of healing physically, but most importantly, spiritually. As I looked into these students eyes and saw their need for healing, I saw my own need, as well as the need for all of God's people. We live in such a broken world with sickness, pain, suffering, and hardship. No matter how big or small it may be, every wound upon a person's heart cries out for healing. And praise be to God, the One who brings healing to it all.

            Two weeks ago, we organized an outreach on Point Rd in downtown Durban. When we explained our plans to one of the women on staff, she responded with a fearful, "Do you know what Point Rd is known for?" We did. For years, Point Rd was one of the most dangerous parts of Durban. You couldn't walk outside in broad daylight unless you literally had nothing on you. No one was caught walking after sundown. And no one was ever caught walking alone. During the past three years, Point Rd has increased its security and made every effort to keep violence and drugs off the street. Though still not the safest part of town, it is finally safe enough for us to come in and offer what the people there need the most: love. During our outreach, we went into several different apartment buildings and asked families door-to-door how we could be praying for them. I have never seen anything like the homes we visited. The ceilings leaked with sewage water, kitchens were just big enough for one person to stand, a sink, and an overhead cupboard with one shelf, children's blankets and towels were found on the floor as a substitution for beds, and windows to the outside world overlooked the street-side view of depravity. As we knocked on each door, not one family turned us away. Each welcomed us into their home, offering us anything they had. With each family, we sat and listened to their stories, laid our hands on them, and prayed. At the end of our time, we met as a team and discussed which families we felt had the greatest need for food, and we returned for a surprise visit to offer them a food parcel that would supply a family of four an entire month's worth of food. As the families opened their doors for a second time to find us once again, they were taken aback with overwhelming joy. It was an incredible experience to be able to bless them, both physically and spiritually. These families were desperate for food, and though I've never had to question whether or not God would provide me with a meal, I know what it feels like to be desperately hungry. This month, I have been hungry for God and His Word, hungry for His Spirit to fill me, hungry for His presence to overwhelm me, and hungry for peace and truth to reign in this world. I know there is a physical hunger for the people here on Point Rd and for people all over Africa, but there is a desperation to be spiritually fed that only God can satisfy..which I truly believe He will.

             Feeling desperate isn't always the best feeling in the world. You feel weak and often hopeless. But when you are desperate for something, you feel a great need and deep desire for it. There is without a doubt, desperation in the world and a very real sense of desperation here in Africa. But if we can change from feeling desperate and hopeless, to being desperate for God...how much glory and joy that would bring our King. When we no longer plead for physical healing but desire a deeper healing in our souls so much more. When we hunger not for earthly things but hunger for God's love and mercy to flow in our lives. When we become desperate for His presence and thirsty for His Spirit. Then, we will really see the hand of God move. For He wants more than just to bless us physically, but is eager to bless us abundantly with Himself. Although this past month has been difficult and stretching in my faith, my hope is that God will never stop breaking me. I pray that He will always increase my need for Him and that as I desire more of His will in my life, I will learn to cling tighter onto His truth.

Please pray with me, that in my desperation for Him, I will be used to help a world of desperate people draw closer to a Holy God.

the first and greatest commandment

Jesus says "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." 

I've thought about this a lot lately, as one of the biggest battles I've faced on STINT is the battle between my flesh and spirit. I know I love God and I know that nothing could ever take that love away. My faith in Him is steadfast and my commitment to Him will never be withdrawn. Seasons of hardship will come, but my faith will never leave me. Yet..I don't always act that way. Far too often, what I believe to be true deep in my soul doesn't reflect itself in my heart or my mind.

My soul, is the part of me that is protected. The moment I gave my life to Christ was the moment I let my soul belong to Him. We often say the word "saved" when we talk about salvation, and though Jesus never said it, I think it portrays the redemption we receive through faith fairly well. We are saved into a life with Christ for all of eternity, and we are saved out of a life of death and eternal separation. My soul, which receives salvation from the Lord, loves Him deeply and intimately.

My heart, is the part of me that is filled with all my emotions. It is what carries my personality, my passions, and my desires. My heart holds my likes and my dislikes, my comforts and discomforts, my joys, pains, and sorrows. At times, it is aligned with my soul and the Spirit within me, as I reflect upon my salvation and the grace of my King. These are the times I love the Lord my God with all my heart. But often, my heart is wooed by the things of this world. It is distracted by life circumstances and torn by the many experiences I face. The enemy entices it with worldly comforts and desires instead of Godly ones. The salvation of my soul remains the same, but the state of my heart is summoned in another direction.

My mind, is the part of me that is filled with my thoughts. In my mind, I store wisdom, knowledge, have my opinions and make decisions. I think deeply and question things. My mind is where I dwell on different concepts and ideas, and where I believe things to be true or false. When my mind is focused on the truths of Scripture and attentive to the Spirit, I am typically aligned with my heart and soul as well. But like my heart, if I let my mind take it's focus off the Lord for even a moment, it becomes prey for the enemy to attack. Scripture is twisted and lies somehow are confused with truth. Healthy opinions suddenly turn into judgment, wisdom becomes foolishness, and mindless small talk somehow becomes more engaging than profound conversations about eternity. The salvation of my soul, again remains the same, but the state of my mind loses focus.

I think it's far too easy for us to go about our lives knowing our souls are protected and secure in our salvation, saying "I love the Lord my God with all my soul" and never love Him with our minds and hearts. When we pray "Father, fill me with your Spirit" we need to invite Him to take full control over every part of our life. We need to make our every thought, emotion, word, and response available for Him to move. 

This battle between my flesh and spirit, is none other than the very battle I choose to step into when I shift the gaze of my heart and mind off the Lord and onto the things of this world. I may love the Lord my God with all my soul, but it is when I love Him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind, that He is reflected in the life that I live.

This is the first and greatest commandment. I don't think the God of the universe takes it so lightly as we do.

content.

We have become too content with God. We have become too content with His Word, too content with His Majesty, and much too content with His Holiness. There is a part of the word 'content' that is seemingly good; it is the part that defines one's satisfaction. But there is another part of the word that is defined as "not wishing for more." Too often we hear of God, we read his Word, we go to church and even make a point to pray to him daily..and with that, we think we are satisfied. We think that it's enough. We don't wish for more and we come up with the excuse that we are merely human and unable to comprehend or grasp the fullness of God, so we stop trying. On occasion, we recognize the depth of Scripture, hear a powerful sermon on a Sunday morning, experience a piece of His glory before a sunset or in the midst of His creation, and humbled we step back and say something like "Wow. God, you are good!" Yet our life continues to go on with very little change. It makes me wonder, have we really experienced God's glory? Or have we just experienced that which satisfies us for a moment?

As I read through Revelation 4, John describes the glory of God with words I'm sure are simply inadequate to describe what the throne of God is truly like. Yet as I try to picture his description the best I can, I am awestruck at the majesty of my Lord. In Exodus 34, after the Lord passes in front of Moses, showing him His glorious presence, it says that "Moses immediately threw himself to the ground and worshiped." In Isaiah 6, I read again the description of God's glory and how Isaiah is able to stand in His presence. The Israelites used to hide themselves from God as He passed over them, fearing they would die if they saw God. Isaiah actually stood in front of God and lived! And like Moses, the moment Isaiah experienced the glory of God and His holiness, his only response was to worship Him. 

If I am to truly experience God's glory and understand the weight of His holiness, it should cause me to do more than just acknowledge his greatness with insufficient words that require no effort to move towards holiness. Experiencing His glory and feeling the weight of His holiness should bring me to my knees in worship. It should cause me to fall with my face down and my hands open. To experience His glory is to draw closer to a holy God. Scripture says "Be holy, for I am holy." When we experience the glory of God, we are automatically faced with His holiness; and He gives us that privilege so that we can become more holy as he is holy. God doesn't reveal His holiness to us so that we can acknowledge Him and then continue in our sin. He reveals it to us, in His grace, so that we can draw closer to Him and be transformed to be more like Him. Yet we miss the point. We are awed by His goodness, singing "Holy is your name," and then go on with our lives.

I am guilty of it. I sing "Holy is your name" and yet I believe 'holy is my name.' In my contentment with God and in my lack of desiring more of Him, I have become hungry for more of myself. In feeling "satisfied" with my habitual worship, I have started to worship lesser things. I have robbed Yaweh of His glory and have taken advantage of His grace. I have let my pride, my selfishness, and my flesh take control over the Lord in my life. I have gone to church, I have read His word, I have prayed to Him daily, I have followed Him to Africa, I have sacrificed my things..yet I have not offered Him my life. Psalm 51 says "You do not desire a sacrifice or I would offer one. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God." I may have done all these things, but they are nothing but a filthy rag to the Lord..unless I offer Him my heart.

Today, the Lord has broken me. But He has broken me for the sake of His Glory. So I will give it ALL to Him:

Praise God, who is relentless for His people!

Praise God, who is filled with unfailing love!

Praise God, who is gracious and merciful!

Praise God, who is faithful to use us, a broken people, for the glory of His name!

Praise God, who pursues us, no matter how far we have run from Him!

Praise God, who is just!

Praise God, who hears our prayers and answers us!

Praise God, who knows us by name and has created us for His pleasure!

Praise God, who sent His only Son to die on our behalf, so that we may know Him and live forever in His presence!

Praise God, for there is none like Him.

All glory, honor, and praise to a holy and mighty God. 

I often hear people praying "More of You, Lord, and less of me." But Jesus says in the gospel of Luke,  "Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." Jesus wants everything. He wants all of us. But we often try to give him less, and only parts of us. My prayer today is, "All of You, Lord, and none of me."

for the sake of one

After the conclusion was made to send Dan home, an emotional battle stirred within him. "Why would God send me all the way to Africa, to send me home again?" Dan has wrestled with this question in his heart for as long as he's wrestled with his physical health. My heart goes out to him for all the turmoil and suffering he's experienced, but I cannot hide the joy inside of me for being aware of the Lord's purpose in sending him here these past three months. During Dan's time in Pretoria, he boldly proclaimed the Gospel in word and deed to those around him. Though his physical health may not have been well, it did not stop the Holy Spirit from working through Dan to reach his campus and this country. 

Aubrey is a student at the TUKS University who Dan met one afternoon while sharing his faith on campus. Seizing the opportunity to speak to him about Jesus, Dan began to share his faith openly and honestly. Just minutes into their dialogue with each other, Dan began to realize that Aubrey's entire life was about to change in this very conversation. An atheist who made a deliberate decision to never get involved with "spiritual things" because God simply didn't exist, began to open up to the truth of Jesus Christ for the very first time. Asking questions and soaking in the beauty of the gospel, Aubrey's heart began to soften as light pierced through years of darkness in his life. For weeks, Aubrey attended two Campus Crusade meetings every Tuesday, hearing the same message at both meetings every week. Continuing to follow-up with Dan, he willingly joined a weekend retreat that Dan invited him to. Aubrey prayed to receive Christ that weekend and has found great joy in getting to know God now as his Father. 

Every week since the two of them met, Dan met with Aubrey to challenge him in Scripture and share more about the truth and joy of his salvation. The two of them started off as strangers, and have become both friends and brothers in Christ. 

Although Dan may have been here for only three months, the Lord was faithful to use him to bring one student into the Kingdom. Now through Aubrey, many others will also come to know Christ...and through them, even more. Jesus says "There is great joy in the presence of God's angels when even one sinner repents and returns to God." So it is true with Aubrey, and we rejoice that Dan was here to be used as a part of his story of salvation.

8

Last Sunday, our team of nine dwindled to eight as we sent one of our team members home for the remainder of the year. Dan, one of the guys serving on the Pretoria campus, has been battling with serious digestive issues for the past two and half months. We've been in South Africa for a total of three. Nearly the entire time he has been here, Dan has been physically unwell, making several trips in and out of the hospital, taking a series of antibiotics, and spending days in bed and off campus. After attempting everything possible in-country, the decision was finally made to send him home. 

We are sad to see Dan leave, but we pray that it will be the best for a quick recovery. Please pray to Yaweh Rophe, the God who heals, to send His healing power upon Dan. Pray that doctors would be able to find out what's going on in his body and that he would be restored to full health. Pray that Dan would see the Lord's hand in all of it, and that we would continue to surround our teammate and friend  in love and prayer, even from across the world.

We love you Dan!