SLO-ing down...

It's the end of September and I only have three months left until I leave for South Africa! Time is flying by and I'm getting so excited to pack up my stuff and board that plane. I moved into my house in SLO and settled down a little bit, but felt like I was living out of a suitcase. Everything seemed so temporary and though I was physically still here, emotionally I was already living in Africa.

But God spoke to my through His faithful and living Word. Psalm 95:6-7 reads, "Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneels before the Lord our maker, for he is our God. We are the people he watches over, the flock under his care. If only you would listen to his voice, today." I began praying that the Lord would show me His purpose here in SLO. I want to prepare my heart for South Africa and the ministry He is calling me to next year...but I don't want to be living for it and miss the opportunities He's given me right now. I know that God doesn't want me to just sit around, waiting for time to pass. He has such a purpose for me this fall quarter and I want to be a good steward of where He has me today. As I prayed for God to reveal the ways in which He wanted to use and grow me here in SLO, He answered immediately and my eyes were opened to new opportunities to bless, and to be blessed.

This quarter I will continue to lead the same bible study that I began last year. The girls in my study are now sophomores, mature in their faith, eager to learn, ready to grow, and excited to be used for God's kingdom and glory. They encourage and challenge me in ways I can't even explain to you and I am reminded of my purpose here, because of each one of them. The house that I am living in, though it's the same little blue house on Sycamore Drive, it looks and feels more different than it ever has. We have three new roommates living with us to substitute our places while three of us leave for STINT, and though I miss our "family," God has opened my eyes to see so much purpose in each woman living in our home. I have enjoyed the hour-long conversations we've had about who God is and how to experience His love. I have enjoyed sharing my testimony with these girls and seeing their eyes light up at the story of God's grace and redemption as they are captivated by how person God is in my life. I have enjoyed having them ask questions that cause me to dig deeper into Scripture. God has shown me so much purpose in living at home, with new roommates, new relationships and new opportunities...and again I am reminded of my purpose here because of each of them. This quarter, I joined a new bible study, in addition to the one I have been involved in since freshman year, and I am so challenged by each woman in that group. They are women who are marked by faith, by love, by grace, and they exude such a beautiful presence that draws me closer to the Lord. I have been so encouraged by these women as they offer me so much love and support during this time of transition in my life. I am greatly blessed and reminded of my purpose here in SLO...because of each of them. This quarter, I get to play and hang out with 4 of my favorite children of all time (though babysitting). But even though it's my job, I can't possibly consider it work for all the joy that I get to experience with these kids. Karlyn, Grant, Pierson and Mabel are some of my greatest joys here in SLO and in my time spent with them, I am reminded of the child-like faith, the innocence, and the purity of a child that God calls me to have. And in each of them, I am reminded of my purpose here in SLO once again. AS I started my classes and introduced myself to some new classmates, God opened doors for me to have conversations about my faith with many of them. I was able to share my upcoming trip to Africa and how it was God who compelled me to go. I'm excited for these new relationship is my classes and for opportunities for God to use me to draw in the souls of these students closer to Him.

My excitement for South Africa continues to grow each day as the Lord prepares my heart for ministry there. My prayers have become so much more fervent as the time grows closer for us to leave. But in my excitement to go and be sent, I have also learned to slow down...and enjoy the purpose He has called me to, today. I love that God is so intentional in His plans for us. I love that I can be here in SLO, with full faith and confidence in knowing that He has me here for a reason. It's not that I happen to still be here and in His faithfulness He will use it for good. But rather it is in His faithfulness, that He has intentionally called me to be here and in His faithfulness that He will use me for His purpose.

One Family: an answered prayer

Praise the Lord!
Some of you may have been aware, but during Global Briefing in August my team had discussed the possibility of splitting in two. The national staff in Pretoria wanted us to be working on the university campus in Johannesburg as well as in Pretoria. Depending on how much time the nationals wanted us in Johannesburg, the idea was thrown out there that our team would split into two groups. Half of us would live in Johannesburg doing full time ministry in that city while the other half of us lived in Pretoria. This was a huge concern for our team as you can imagine our hesitations to split up. For one, we already feel like a family. We did not want to split up the unity of our group and split our ministry in two. Our vision and hope was to go into South Africa as a team, as one family, and serve that country together. Secondly, safety was a huge concern for many of us women as well. Johannesburg has an extremely high crime rate and to have our team split with less people working in that city, let alone living in that city, was a huge concern for many of us. As we discussed our thoughts as a team, it was encouraging to see the attitude of every member reflect that of honesty yet complete surrender. "My heart says stick together, but God's will be done, not ours."

All praise to the Father who aligned our hearts with His and whose will was to have us stay as one team. I just received news that we will not be splitting into two groups and we will live as a family in Pretoria for the year. We will be doing ministry in Johannesburg, but will not be living there and will have control of commuting in and out of the city.

Praise God for His provision and His faithfulness. And thank you to everyone who has been praying on our behalf. Your prayers have been answered, and an overwhelming sense of peace now rests upon our team. Thank you.

Lord, break my heart...

"Lord, break my heart for the things that break Yours..." A prayer many of us pray.

Last year, as I spent two months in Santa Monica for a summer project with Campus Crusade, sharing my faith with people on the streets...God gave me a glimpse of His broken heart. The depths of my heart ached as I was heavily burdened for the lost souls in this world. As I began to pray for friends I knew in my hometown, it led me to pray for people in my classes. Then people at my work, and people I've met on the streets. The list continued as I prayed for the souls of people I have never met...for my city, for my state, my country, tribes I've never heard of, and the world. I remember crying out to the Lord, my soul deeply groaning, my face wet with tears, for people I barely knew, if I knew them at all. And it hit me...this was a glimpse of God's heart for His lost sheep; A picture of His indescribable, infinite Love for each of them. I will never forget that moment I spent with the Lord and I will never be able to see the people in this world the same as I did. They are so much more than people, so much more than friends, so much more than just a clerk behind the counter or the barista serving my coffee. They are so more than just my classmates, or my professors, or my neighbor. They are souls, loved and pursued by the God of the Universe...who I am called to love and pursue as well.

Last week, as I sat in the quiet of the night, God increased my understanding of His heart once again. On September 11, I got a phone call receiving news that my team member's father took his life earlier that night. I was devastated. The day or two before, I received an email from my best friend's mom who works with at-risk middle school students. One of the 7th grade boys at her school was killed in a gang shooting. That same week, I went out with one of my sophomore girls who cried to me in confusion and sorrow about her older sister who has decided to walk away from her faith and live for the world instead. As I sat and thought about each of these things, my mind drifted into a thousand more thoughts of this fallen world. I thought of the countless people looking for a place to rest their head that night. I thought of the sick, the lonely, the orphaned, and the widowed. I thought of the mothers and children, fathers, husbands, and students in Africa all suffering with AIDS. I thought of the streets in LA and around the world of people scared to go to bed at night. Tears just streamed down my face as thoughts continued to race through my mind of how broken and fallen this world has truly become. "Why God?! I don't understand it. Why is there so much suffering..why are so many people hurting..why are there so many people in this world who don't know You?!"

And He answered, "You are my hands, my feet, and my mouth. You tell me why..."

In that moment, I felt empowered by the Spirit of God. How quickly I forget that the same power of God that rose Jesus from the dead, the same power of God that defeated the cross...lives inside of me. How quickly I forget that God has called me to live in His Spirit to be a light in this world. To use my hands to serve the broken hearted, my feet to pursue the lost sheep among the nations, my mouth to speak words that are full of love, grace, kindness, and truth. My life is to be lived for Him. To bring Him glory. To represent His Son. So that He may love the world through me.

My only response to Him that night as I wiped my tears away, was "..send me."

A deeply rooted tree

This morning, I sat to have a quiet time and the first thing I wrote was, "Lord, this season is hard." Immediately, He led me to a verse in Jeremiah as He breathed the Living Word of truth upon me: "Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank with roots deep into the waters. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried about long months of drought. Their leaves are green and they never stop producing fruit. (17:7-8)" I miss Trevor more than I thought I ever could. This season is hard. But I don't want to be bothered by it. I want to grow, I want my faith to increase, I want to be used by the Lord and produce good fruit. I want my character to be refined and my hope in the Lord to strengthen. I want HIM to receive glory and His kingdom to be furthered. When I think of that tree..as it stands along the riverbank, with absolutely nothing around it, growing green leaves and producing fruit...even though it is not bothered by the heat or worried about long months of drought..it can still feel those things as it stands in the middle of it. I may feel lonely at times, or sad with Trevor gone, or overwhelmed at times during the quarter..but I will not be bothered by it or worried. I want my trust to be in the Lord and my hope and confidence to come from Him.

In the midst of loneliness and an aching heart, the intimacy I experience with the Lord has been my greatest joy. My dependence on Him has grown tremendously and I am learning so much of what it looks like to be stripped of all things comfortable, all the things I love..and be fully satisfied in Him alone. I serve a jealous God, who loves me unfailingly...and I am truly grateful.