love feast

A "Love Feast" is a traditional Zulu feast to say "thank you." These past two months, we had a summer project from the mid-south of America come help us with the ministry. As they were ending their time, the Ukukanya staff prepared a "Love Feast" to thank them and properly say good-bye. We had...

Samp and Beans: a thick type of porridge made from coarsely ground corn (a staple in South Africa) mixed with beans.

Dombolo: big, round dumpling bread (each one the size of my head, no joke) that is used to soak all the juices left over from the chicken.

Sweet Potato: delicious! 

Amadumbe: another type of sweet potato cooked in their skin in the fire.

Beef Curry: dish of beef and vegetables cooked in a thick sauce of strong spices and served with rice.

Boerewors: huge spicy farmers sausage 

Zulu Salad: tomato, onion, green bell pepper, and HOT (really HOT) green chili! 

Cooked Spinach: fresh from the garden just planted outside

Tripe: also known as intestines (mmm..a delicacy)

Chicken Dust: fried chicken with seasoning (the seasoning is "dusted" on the chicken, hence the name)

Walkie Talkie: chicken feet and head (parts of the chicken that "walk and talk"). everything from nails, beak, and eyes are all still there for the FULL experience 

...and let me tell you, we had QUITE the experience.

a triple-braided cord

Zipo, Mdu, and Sbonele are three brothers who live in Inanda. Their mother died two years ago and their father has never been in the picture. Zipo is in third grade; he's the youngest. Mdu and Sbonele are in grade seven and eight respectively. These three brothers are the strongest, most purpose-driven, persevering, and hopeful kids I know. They live on their own in a little tin shack, caring for each other and trying to make it through one day at a time. Each morning they wake each other up, get ready, walk each other to school and come home. Their lives are simple yet their needs are great. Pastor Prince, who works with us at Ukukanya, visits the kids and checks up on them at school every now and then. The other day, Pastor Prince and I went to the boys' schools together. We spoke to the teachers to see how their performance and social interactions were going. My heart broke as each of the teachers expressed their concerns. "These boys cannot continue living on their own. They struggle to learn because nobody is at home to help with their homework. They come to school with dirty and wrinkled uniforms because nobody teaches them how to wash. They are failing their subjects. They have a hard time concentrating because they are so hungry. We try to help them as teachers, but it is no good if there is no help at home. They are our sweetest, most compassionate students. They try very hard..but they are still struggling." Each month, we deliver a food package to the three brothers to last them the whole month. We are trying our best to teach them life skills like washing clothes, bathing, cooking, and brushing their teeth. But the teachers are right. They need caretakers. Unfortunately, we can only do so much and legally things are very hard because these boys have no written identity. No birth certificate, no picture with their name, no record of their family...nothing. We went to a Social Services office the other day to help get these children on a waiting list for care. They are still in process, but please, please pray for God's sovereignty to reign over the situation. I barely know these boys, but I love them dearly. And I love them this much, I can't imagine the love our Father has for them. It may take a while, and it may be a rough road..but I know these boys will make it. As it says in Ecclesiastes, "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." God has made these brothers a triple-braided cord. They are young and may only have a little, but they are rich in faith. And I know the Lord's loving hand is holding onto them tightly and blessing their hearts abundantly. For it says, "Blessed are those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. And blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." O Lord, bless these three boys. For theirs, is the Kingdom of Heaven!

a different kind of help

As we are in the township of Inanda preparing for the Ukukanya AIDS hospice, we are often interrupted by the immediate needs of the community. With open gates each morning, we welcome anyone and everyone to come experience the love of God where we work. Although our hope is to finish repairing and putting together the building to open the hospice by September first, we simply refuse to ignore the daily emergencies, difficulties, and cries for help that walk into our center every day. Several times we were stopped in the middle of painting or cleaning, dropped our paint brushes and spent the rest of our afternoon with women, children, and families who desperately sought our help. 'Help' however, is not what I ever thought it would look like. At first, there was a sense of guilt for not helping in the way I wanted to. I wanted to do more for these people, but simply couldn't. There was only so much I could offer, so much I could provide, so much I could do. And none of it, I felt, made much of a difference. Their circumstances were the same..maybe slightly improved...but still the same. I had a hard time understanding how God wanted to use me and how I was supposed to help such helpless situations. 

A woman walked into our center one morning, knocking on the doors of the empty rooms as if she was looking for someone. "Sawubona, can we help you?" we asked. "I'm looking for someone," she replied. No one lives or works at this center except us, Penny and Pastor Prince. So we asked her again, thinking she was maybe lost. "I just need to talk to someone.." she said, as she continued knocking on the doors of vacant rooms. I sensed worry in her voice and saw desperation on her face. I put my kitchen sponge down and gently put my arm around her. "Are you okay?" I asked. And immediately, streams of tears came down her face. "No, I'm not," she cried. We grabbed a chair for her to sit on, and helped her to her seat. The three of us sat around her, still not even knowing her name, and just watched her cry. I began to rub her back and ask questions, assuring her that we were there to listen and comfort her, and help in whatever way we could. As she began to open up, we learned that her little tin house, her only shelter, was being invaded. As she was walking home earlier that morning, she came upon her door and saw all her belongings thrown out of the house. A man who claimed to be the owner of the place decided to 'move back in' after 6 years, and with no warning or consent, he came into her house and kicked her out before she even got home. Buyi is about 25 years old and lives with three children. Her family died years ago, except her sister who was her best friend. About two years ago, her sister passed away as well and left her with her three kids to care for. Buyi is now alone in the world, caring for her sister's three kids, and left no home. I wish I could've given her a place to stay, but I couldn't. I wish I could've offered her a new home and some money for her and the children to live off of, but I couldn't. I wish I could've done something to change her circumstance, but I simply couldn't. All I could do was sit there, rub her back, listen, cry with her, and pray. But as I said to her, "I wish I could do something more.." she stopped me from speaking any further. "I never imagined people like you coming to sit with me. I never thought someone would care enough to listen and even cry with my pain. And then to pray for me, I don't even know what to say. Thank you..that is enough." 

When we help, we think we have to fix. But to help, means to serve. And to serve..is to love. Loving isn't always fixing. Sometimes it's just lending an ear. Sometimes it's showing compassion. And sometimes...it's suffering alongside someone. To cry with this woman, to suffer with her in her moment of distress, to speak truth in her life, and to pray over her in the name of the LORD, was the best help I could give her. If Jesus was here, I feel like He would've done the same. 

We were able to direct her to the head of the township who will help her find housing. But please pray for Buyi and her three nephews. Though our immediate help seemed limited..I know through prayer we can continue to serve and love her as we trust God to do the rest. 

Out in the Wild

Ryan, Amanda and I went on a Safari at a game park called Tala in Durban. It was a smaller game park, so there were no cats. BUT, we saw amazing and beautiful other animals. Here are some of the pictures I took:

Mother and baby rhino

ostrich..terrifying

giraffe drinking water

the zebras were my favorite

me and amanda!

Penetrating Through

A few nights ago, I came home a little past 10:00 and had forgotten to leave at least one of the lights in the house on. My roommate left in a hurry that weekend and left a lot of her stuff lying in the middle of the floor that I wasn't prepared for. Walking into the house, I think I bruised myself five times in five different places. The house was pitch black and I literally couldn't even see my own hand in front of me. The light in the garage is seriously the brightest light next to the sun, and I was able to turn that one on when I got home. So before stumbling over another step, I cracked the door open to the garage to let some light through the house so I can find some switches. The darkness immediately fled and was just enough for me to find my way to my room to put my bags down. When I came back into the living room, the space was much brighter as the door had swung open a little wider without me noticing. A couple hours went by until I decided to get ready for bed at midnight. But when I went to turn off the lights in the living room and hallway, I realized I had never turned them on. The light from the garage that shone through that little crack in the door, literally transformed my house from pitch-black into bright as day. One small light through one small crack, made a world of a difference. I share this with you, not to brag about my super bright garage light bulb (although I'm quite impressed with it). But to share with you what God was speaking to me that night. Living in a world, and specifically being in a country where AIDS, violence, death, poverty, witchcraft, sorcery, hopelessness and fear reside, there is a darkness that covers the land. But being in a country where God's light is present, I have hope for the darkness to flee. It's encouraging to know that God calls me to be a light in this world, and though I might just be a crack in the dark, as more people join in prayer, support, and faith, the crack soon becomes an open door where God's light penetrates every room, every corner, every nation, and pierces every heart. Already, God's light is penetrating through the darkness, and I praise Him for opening my eyes to see it.

Ukukhanya Life Care Center:

Since coming to Durban and leaving the ministry at BEAM Africa to the rest of our team in Pretoria, we have prayed for God to provide us with another opportunity to serve the practical and physical needs of Africa. Of course God's plans are so much greater than ours, as He not only provided us with a place to work but an opportunity to launch the Ukukhanya Life Care Center as the very first AIDS hospice in the Ntuzuma township. Ukukhanya means "light in the darkness" and comes from John 1:5 where it reads "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it." An abandoned one story building with 12 rooms and a huge lot, Ukukhanya welcomes the cries of the community with its open and rusted gates. The Life Care Center was started by Penny, an American woman from Kansas whose husband died of AIDS in 1993, and Pastor Prince, a 25 year old passionate Christ follower who has been preaching the gospel in churches since age 15. The story of how this woman from Kansas met this township preacher is incredible as God so clearly paved the pathway for their divine friendship and purposeful partnership to start this ministry. The vision they have is to show the love of Jesus to people affected by AIDS and to spread the Gospel by providing physical, emotional and spiritual support. The prayer behind the vision is to provide home-based care for those in need and to be the hands, feet, and eyes of Jesus to help and find the sick. Practically what we want to do is develop a hospice, as right now we only have an abandoned building turned into an office and kitchen with 12 vacant rooms of dust, dirt, broken windows and a few mice. But with some paint work, some bleach, a lot of manual labor and a covering of prayer, we want to turn this desolate piece of land into a place where people can be loved, kept clean, and die or live in dignity. Some will come to just get stabilized and others will pass here peacefully. We will love them, nurture them, and care for them through home-based care workers who we need to find and hire to do 24/7 care. We will offer nutrition and network with area hospitals, clinics and volunteer doctors for the medical care of the patients. 

Our other prayer is for the children. One of the biggest problems is that family members will die of AIDS and millions of children will be left behind with no where to go and no one to turn to. We want to have a plan of action to offer monthly food parcels to children and families waiting for grants. We also hope to start a program where an "Auntie" can go and check on children living on their own and bring them in for fellowship. They will help with homework, life skills (like washing clothes and bathing), and a hot meal and prayer. Outside of the 12 rooms, there is an old patch of cornstalk. The plants are dead and weeds have taken over. But soon it will be dug and re-patched into a mini soccer field and playground where children can enjoy themselves during visitation of family members. The vision is BIG, but God is already moving. Though the rooms aren't yet available, Ukukhanya's open gates have welcomed so many children, sick mothers, tired gogo's (grandmothers), and sick babies whom we have been able to care and provide for already. Two weeks ago, Penny received a phone call administered by the hand of God, from a man who offered to donate 24 beds, side tables, and a few dressers. There is a lot of work to be done, but God has given me a vision for this place that I am so excited to be a part of. 

Slie and Zethu:

There are two women in our movement, Slie and Zethu, whom I've mentioned a few times before. Amanda and I have been doing a bible study with these girls on a weekly basis and building them up in their faith in hopes to see them sent out to reach others. The four of us have been meeting once a week for the past two months and have recently felt the Lord calling us to split. Instead of meeting as four, Amanda and I would disciple one girl each and lead them in leading others. When we first presented the idea to the girls, they were hesitant to break the community we had built with the four of us together. But after asking them to pray about it, we joined again the following week to hear their thoughts. "I don't want to split, but this campus needs Jesus and that's more important. That's the point, you see. We must split to reach more people. I want to see God moving and He will do that best if we each go out," was Zethu's response. Slie looked at me and with a smile said, "I am nervous, but I hope that God can use me. I know so many friends and classmates who I want to share God's love with. I hope He can use me." A couple days later, Slie and Zethu both separately and individually spoke to their professors asking permission to hand out a survey during class to 150 students to see who wanted to be in a bible study. Eagerly they came back with names of girls, some they know and some they've never met, to share the Gospel with. Their enthusiasm for the Gospel continually amazes and challenges me. Slie is a Business major which is one of the top majors and most competitive at their school. Every Business student who I've talked to is in the major purely for the money. There is very little enjoyment, very little attention to ethics, and very little care for what their future will bring outside of material gain. Zethu is a Physics major and daily surrounded by students and professors who impart their atheistic views upon her. Textbooks, lectures, and exams shout against her and the thousands of other Science students on campus, against the faith in a Creator God. But no matter how dark the campus and the classrooms may be, I am encouraged to know that Slie and Zethu are light bearers unafraid to shine. Through Zethu's survey in class, 54 of her classmates indicated their desire to be contacted for a Bible study, more information, or a desire to know God personally. Praise the Lord..His light is shining.

the campus Prayer Room:

Because prayer is such a vital part of seeing the hand of God move and yet it's so easily and often overlooked, I wanted to start a prayer room on campus for anyone and everyone to come to. Since we can't have a permanent room for every day of the week, I reserved a small classroom on campus as "the prayer room" every Tuesday from 1-4 pm. I was so excited to get a room on campus because it usually takes weeks if not months to reserve a room. But God provided this 20-seater classroom in the middle of campus the very next day that I requested it. Being on the creative side and having teacher-like tendencies, I wanted this room to look welcoming, organized, peaceful, and intimate. So before officially opening it for prayer, I went into the room one afternoon to check out the size, the set-up, and begin to brainstorm my vision for what it would look like. As I opened the door, I uncomfortably walked in on a couple tucked in the corner of the room making out. 

One thing about this campus is that sexual behavior, pornography, and inappropriate displays of affection are very common. Although it's disturbing to witness, it breaks my heart deeply. Girls are hungry for attention and young men lack self-control, yet their is no conviction. Apparently, this room I reserved for prayer, I later learned was a room used by many couples on campus during breaks between classes. God clearly had a plan. The following week, I opened the prayer room and set it up for the first time as I envisioned. From 1-4 I just sat and prayed. A couple students from our movement came in from time to time and occasionally a new face would peek in to see if the classroom was empty, shocked to see it set up for prayer. Though not many students came in the first day, I felt God's presence heavily resting upon that room. I prayed for the campus, the students, the professors and different majors. I prayed for the dorms and student housing. I prayed for those who knew the Lord and those who didn't. I prayed for the couples on campus and for God to lead them to this room where He could bring conviction, grace, and abundant love. And as I prayed, God gave me this picture of this little room containing His glorious presence and light, that would soon shine throughout the campus. Every time a prayer was lifted, the light would get brighter and brighter. Every person who enters the room will enter into God's presence and walk out radiating it unto others. I pray this room will become a sacred place for prayers to be lifted and heard..and for God's glory to shine brighter every day because of it. 

Isaiah 58 says "Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon." I am humbled to know that God has given me a piece of His light to shine in this world. I am encouraged to know that by feeding the hungry and helping those in trouble allows that light to shine. I am challenged to see how many physically and spiritually hungry people there really are in this world and how much darkness truly does exist. But I am strengthened in knowing that light scatters darkness. I am deeply moved to see light penetrating through this country in countless ways already. And I am hopeful to see it one day saturate this earth.

Thank you for helping me shine God's light here in Africa. May you continue to shine it wherever you are, and wherever you go...every day.

desperate people for a Holy God

            I know that God sent me to Africa to touch and bless the many lives in this country. But it goes without saying that He has sent me here for much more than just that. In this place, He is teaching me more about Himself, more about myself, and more about His people. As I look back at this past month the first thing I think about, more than ministry or the different events that have happened, is how much the Lord has broken me. In my attempt to fight against strong spiritual warfare, to fight against the desires of my flesh and the powerful attacks of the enemy, God has brought me to my knees time and time again. This month has been a battle as we sent one of our team members home for the year, as the permanent split of our team has required a lot of work to resettle into our various locations, and as personal struggles have felt heightened more than ever. But in the midst of all the tension, God has made me desperate for Him. And I realize that a God who is relentless for His people, a God who insists on pursuing us every moment of every day, wants us to be desperate for Him...so that we can cling to Him tighter, depend on Him greater, and fall in love with Him deeper. 

          The more I become desperate for the Lord, the more I see the desperation of souls around me. Recently, we've had many opportunities to minister in several different ways to the community. A few weeks ago, we partnered with one of Campus Crusade's side ministries called Crossroads. It is an AIDS Education program for high school students living in townships. The day we attended, they had a Crossroads Seminar for 12th grade students in a township called Bester, Inanda. There were about 50 students crammed into a tiny classroom with broken windows and trash bags used as curtains. The heat was unbearable, but you could tell the students were used to it. Sitting amongst them, I realized that AIDS has personally affected nearly every boy and girl surrounding me. I felt a heaviness in my heart and though deeply sympathetic, I also felt somewhat inadequate in my ability to relate with them. Yet as we began to share about the disease, the gruesome affects it has on the physical body, the science of how it destroys the immune system, showed videos of personal stories and testimonies, allowed students to ask questions, have discussions, participate in interactive skits, and share the gospel with them, I gazed around the room and saw how desperate these students were for healing in their lives. Throughout various parts of the seminar, students cried, girls held each other in agony, boys sunk in their seats convicted, others stood tall determined to be different, some you could tell were numb, while others were filled with grief and fear. It was a room flooded with emotion of every kind, but a room filled with a longing to find hope and healing. I couldn't relate to these students on the level of AIDS, but I could relate to them in their needfor healing. As I have called out to the Lord in desperation many times this month, asking Him to heal my heart, He has continued to show Himself faithful. God is a God of healing physically, but most importantly, spiritually. As I looked into these students eyes and saw their need for healing, I saw my own need, as well as the need for all of God's people. We live in such a broken world with sickness, pain, suffering, and hardship. No matter how big or small it may be, every wound upon a person's heart cries out for healing. And praise be to God, the One who brings healing to it all.

            Two weeks ago, we organized an outreach on Point Rd in downtown Durban. When we explained our plans to one of the women on staff, she responded with a fearful, "Do you know what Point Rd is known for?" We did. For years, Point Rd was one of the most dangerous parts of Durban. You couldn't walk outside in broad daylight unless you literally had nothing on you. No one was caught walking after sundown. And no one was ever caught walking alone. During the past three years, Point Rd has increased its security and made every effort to keep violence and drugs off the street. Though still not the safest part of town, it is finally safe enough for us to come in and offer what the people there need the most: love. During our outreach, we went into several different apartment buildings and asked families door-to-door how we could be praying for them. I have never seen anything like the homes we visited. The ceilings leaked with sewage water, kitchens were just big enough for one person to stand, a sink, and an overhead cupboard with one shelf, children's blankets and towels were found on the floor as a substitution for beds, and windows to the outside world overlooked the street-side view of depravity. As we knocked on each door, not one family turned us away. Each welcomed us into their home, offering us anything they had. With each family, we sat and listened to their stories, laid our hands on them, and prayed. At the end of our time, we met as a team and discussed which families we felt had the greatest need for food, and we returned for a surprise visit to offer them a food parcel that would supply a family of four an entire month's worth of food. As the families opened their doors for a second time to find us once again, they were taken aback with overwhelming joy. It was an incredible experience to be able to bless them, both physically and spiritually. These families were desperate for food, and though I've never had to question whether or not God would provide me with a meal, I know what it feels like to be desperately hungry. This month, I have been hungry for God and His Word, hungry for His Spirit to fill me, hungry for His presence to overwhelm me, and hungry for peace and truth to reign in this world. I know there is a physical hunger for the people here on Point Rd and for people all over Africa, but there is a desperation to be spiritually fed that only God can satisfy..which I truly believe He will.

             Feeling desperate isn't always the best feeling in the world. You feel weak and often hopeless. But when you are desperate for something, you feel a great need and deep desire for it. There is without a doubt, desperation in the world and a very real sense of desperation here in Africa. But if we can change from feeling desperate and hopeless, to being desperate for God...how much glory and joy that would bring our King. When we no longer plead for physical healing but desire a deeper healing in our souls so much more. When we hunger not for earthly things but hunger for God's love and mercy to flow in our lives. When we become desperate for His presence and thirsty for His Spirit. Then, we will really see the hand of God move. For He wants more than just to bless us physically, but is eager to bless us abundantly with Himself. Although this past month has been difficult and stretching in my faith, my hope is that God will never stop breaking me. I pray that He will always increase my need for Him and that as I desire more of His will in my life, I will learn to cling tighter onto His truth.

Please pray with me, that in my desperation for Him, I will be used to help a world of desperate people draw closer to a Holy God.

the first and greatest commandment

Jesus says "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." 

I've thought about this a lot lately, as one of the biggest battles I've faced on STINT is the battle between my flesh and spirit. I know I love God and I know that nothing could ever take that love away. My faith in Him is steadfast and my commitment to Him will never be withdrawn. Seasons of hardship will come, but my faith will never leave me. Yet..I don't always act that way. Far too often, what I believe to be true deep in my soul doesn't reflect itself in my heart or my mind.

My soul, is the part of me that is protected. The moment I gave my life to Christ was the moment I let my soul belong to Him. We often say the word "saved" when we talk about salvation, and though Jesus never said it, I think it portrays the redemption we receive through faith fairly well. We are saved into a life with Christ for all of eternity, and we are saved out of a life of death and eternal separation. My soul, which receives salvation from the Lord, loves Him deeply and intimately.

My heart, is the part of me that is filled with all my emotions. It is what carries my personality, my passions, and my desires. My heart holds my likes and my dislikes, my comforts and discomforts, my joys, pains, and sorrows. At times, it is aligned with my soul and the Spirit within me, as I reflect upon my salvation and the grace of my King. These are the times I love the Lord my God with all my heart. But often, my heart is wooed by the things of this world. It is distracted by life circumstances and torn by the many experiences I face. The enemy entices it with worldly comforts and desires instead of Godly ones. The salvation of my soul remains the same, but the state of my heart is summoned in another direction.

My mind, is the part of me that is filled with my thoughts. In my mind, I store wisdom, knowledge, have my opinions and make decisions. I think deeply and question things. My mind is where I dwell on different concepts and ideas, and where I believe things to be true or false. When my mind is focused on the truths of Scripture and attentive to the Spirit, I am typically aligned with my heart and soul as well. But like my heart, if I let my mind take it's focus off the Lord for even a moment, it becomes prey for the enemy to attack. Scripture is twisted and lies somehow are confused with truth. Healthy opinions suddenly turn into judgment, wisdom becomes foolishness, and mindless small talk somehow becomes more engaging than profound conversations about eternity. The salvation of my soul, again remains the same, but the state of my mind loses focus.

I think it's far too easy for us to go about our lives knowing our souls are protected and secure in our salvation, saying "I love the Lord my God with all my soul" and never love Him with our minds and hearts. When we pray "Father, fill me with your Spirit" we need to invite Him to take full control over every part of our life. We need to make our every thought, emotion, word, and response available for Him to move. 

This battle between my flesh and spirit, is none other than the very battle I choose to step into when I shift the gaze of my heart and mind off the Lord and onto the things of this world. I may love the Lord my God with all my soul, but it is when I love Him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind, that He is reflected in the life that I live.

This is the first and greatest commandment. I don't think the God of the universe takes it so lightly as we do.