I know that God sent me to Africa to touch and bless the many lives in this country. But it goes without saying that He has sent me here for much more than just that. In this place, He is teaching me more about Himself, more about myself, and more about His people. As I look back at this past month the first thing I think about, more than ministry or the different events that have happened, is how much the Lord has broken me. In my attempt to fight against strong spiritual warfare, to fight against the desires of my flesh and the powerful attacks of the enemy, God has brought me to my knees time and time again. This month has been a battle as we sent one of our team members home for the year, as the permanent split of our team has required a lot of work to resettle into our various locations, and as personal struggles have felt heightened more than ever. But in the midst of all the tension, God has made me desperate for Him. And I realize that a God who is relentless for His people, a God who insists on pursuing us every moment of every day, wants us to be desperate for Him...so that we can cling to Him tighter, depend on Him greater, and fall in love with Him deeper.
The more I become desperate for the Lord, the more I see the desperation of souls around me. Recently, we've had many opportunities to minister in several different ways to the community. A few weeks ago, we partnered with one of Campus Crusade's side ministries called Crossroads. It is an AIDS Education program for high school students living in townships. The day we attended, they had a Crossroads Seminar for 12th grade students in a township called Bester, Inanda. There were about 50 students crammed into a tiny classroom with broken windows and trash bags used as curtains. The heat was unbearable, but you could tell the students were used to it. Sitting amongst them, I realized that AIDS has personally affected nearly every boy and girl surrounding me. I felt a heaviness in my heart and though deeply sympathetic, I also felt somewhat inadequate in my ability to relate with them. Yet as we began to share about the disease, the gruesome affects it has on the physical body, the science of how it destroys the immune system, showed videos of personal stories and testimonies, allowed students to ask questions, have discussions, participate in interactive skits, and share the gospel with them, I gazed around the room and saw how desperate these students were for healing in their lives. Throughout various parts of the seminar, students cried, girls held each other in agony, boys sunk in their seats convicted, others stood tall determined to be different, some you could tell were numb, while others were filled with grief and fear. It was a room flooded with emotion of every kind, but a room filled with a longing to find hope and healing. I couldn't relate to these students on the level of AIDS, but I could relate to them in their need
Two weeks ago, we organized an outreach on Point Rd in downtown Durban. When we explained our plans to one of the women on staff, she responded with a fearful, "Do you know what Point Rd is known for?" We did. For years, Point Rd was one of the most dangerous parts of Durban. You couldn't walk outside in broad daylight unless you literally had nothing on you. No one was caught walking after sundown. And no one was ever caught walking alone. During the past three years, Point Rd has increased its security and made every effort to keep violence and drugs off the street. Though still not the safest part of town, it is finally safe enough for us to come in and offer what the people there need the most: love. During our outreach, we went into several different apartment buildings and asked families door-to-door how we could be praying for them. I have never seen anything like the homes we visited. The ceilings leaked with sewage water, kitchens were just big enough for one person to stand, a sink, and an overhead cupboard with one shelf, children's blankets and towels were found on the floor as a substitution for beds, and windows to the outside world overlooked the street-side view of depravity. As we knocked on each door, not one family turned us away. Each welcomed us into their home, offering us anything they had. With each family, we sat and listened to their stories, laid our hands on them, and prayed. At the end of our time, we met as a team and discussed which families we felt had the greatest need for food, and we returned for a surprise visit to offer them a food parcel that would supply a family of four an entire month's worth of food. As the families opened their doors for a second time to find us once again, they were taken aback with overwhelming joy. It was an incredible experience to be able to bless them, both physically and spiritually. These families were desperate for food, and though I've never had to question whether or not God would provide me with a meal, I know what it feels like to be desperately hungry. This month, I have been hungry for God and His Word, hungry for His Spirit to fill me, hungry for His presence to overwhelm me, and hungry for peace and truth to reign in this world. I know there is a physical hunger for the people here on Point Rd and for people all over Africa, but there is a desperation to be spiritually fed that only God can satisfy..which I truly believe He will.
Feeling desperate isn't always the best feeling in the world. You feel weak and often hopeless. But when you are desperate for something, you feel a great need and deep desire for it. There is without a doubt, desperation in the world and a very real sense of desperation here in Africa. But if we can change from feeling desperate and hopeless, to being desperate for God...how much glory and joy that would bring our King. When we no longer plead for physical healing but desire a deeper healing in our souls so much more. When we hunger not for earthly things but hunger for God's love and mercy to flow in our lives. When we become desperate for His presence and thirsty for His Spirit. Then, we will really see the hand of God move. For He wants more than just to bless us physically, but is eager to bless us abundantly with Himself. Although this past month has been difficult and stretching in my faith, my hope is that God will never stop breaking me. I pray that He will always increase my need for Him and that as I desire more of His will in my life, I will learn to cling tighter onto His truth.
Please pray with me, that in my desperation for Him, I will be used to help a world of desperate people draw closer to a Holy God.
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